Heh... It's once again been nearly a month since I've posted on here. Don't really have to terribly much to say right now.

*~*

I have decided that Daniel living with me definitely takes the romance out of things & I really don't like that. It's great to have him around & I do feel a lot safer in the fact that I'm not just a 20 year old girl living by myself. However, there was just... Something nicer about him only spending the night. I really enjoyed having my freedom to myself & not having to answer to anyone about where I am. Not that he checks up on me, but I kind of feel tied to the house now.

*~*

And all his stuff makes me feel claustrophobic & I'm afraid to be so harsh as to say... "This SHIT has to go. I can't deal with it." If I try to tell him, those will be the words exploding out of my mouth. I really need a filter at the back of my throat sometimes.

*~*

I've been super stressed out in not having a job. I have no idea how anyone can deal with this. It sucks. I like being out, I like meeting people & I MISS MY FREAKING JOB.

*~*

I've been having a lot of those moments lately where I just want to scream "I CAN'T HANDLE THIS!!"

*~*

So. I apologize for the rant entry. I simply had to get it out.

*~*

Ciao!

Soooo... I got my Mary Kay stuff up & running. Yay! I didn't realize how much work this was. I have ran myself ragged, trying to get enough money to get this thing started. Thank GOD for Alicia & Tess & Sissy. 'Cause without them ,I don't think I would have been able to get this running. Oh, & Carla, Kasey's mom. Can't forget Carla! It's not a cake walk. This stuff basically sells itself but I have to find customers. lol. So, hopefully, I will be getting repeat orders & enough money to be able to really get this going & earn the use of a career car. That would be soooooooooooo nice, believe me. But for right now, it's one day at a time. So let's see where this goes, shall we?

*~*

Last night... Was awful. Truly awful. I wanted to just vanish. Adam came over to my house for a while, which is not an unusual occurrence. He is still a very very good friend to me, even after the break up. Well, apparently, Daniel didn't like that. So he invited Trey over. And I CANNOT stand Trey. The thing that pisses me off about it is, Daniel wasn't even having to listen to Adam & me. We were out in his van, listening to some new music that I had downloaded. Not to mention, Daniel NEVER asks for my consent on who come over to our house. Yes, it is our house. But I should still have some kind of say in it. I mean, I just look over my shoulder & BAM! there's Trey. Daniel knew beforehand that Adam would be there. That really really irritated me. To the point that when I went to bed, I threw all his quilts off the bed & remade it with my blankets & my comforter. That was very childish of me, but I don't really care. He knew I was mad. I always turn to my own stuff for comfort. Whatever... we made up today. That's the way it goes with us. But I am going to have to talk to him about Trey coming over. I need to make it clear that he is not welcome at that house. If Daniel wants to visit him, that's fine cause Trey has his own house. But I'm tired of him being sloppy drunk at my house.

*~*

In other news... My store finally closed and I am unemployed, except for my Mary Kay stuff. I don't know what to do without Kmart, honestly. I feel like I've lost part of my identity. I'm coping. Going to dinner at Logan's tonight with the Kmart family. I'm looking forward to that. :) I'm such a loser. lol

*~*

Well, that's it for now. Hopefully, I will be able to put in internet at my own house soon. I'm going to need it for some of my MK work.

*~*

Ciao!

Well, I'm babysitting this week. Or at least until Thursday. I can't really complain; this is one of the easiest things in the world to do. Much easier than that bullshit that's going on at my full time job right now. The store closes this coming Sunday and I am so so so ready for it. Believe me, I have never ever wanted to hear "You're fired." But I do now. And it's just so crazy. I thought that just a regular customer base could be annoying. However, people seem to see the sign saying "store closing" & they just lose all common sense. It disgusts me. Things aren't that much different than a regular sale but the general public does NOT understand that. As a result, I come home at the end of the day & I just want to curl up in a ball & hide in myself for a little while, away from... Most stupidity. lol

*~*

Daniel and I are well. As usual. That never seems to change. We celebrated our 7 month anniversary yesterday. We went out to eat at Ruby Tuesday's & then went home & watched Pathology, which is a very weird movie... It was such a good night. It went much better than our 6 month, which for whatever reason was a complete a total disaster on the Daniel & Me scale. Yeah, lol. A disaster for us is a blip on anybody else's Richter scale.

*~*

So... Other than that, not too terribly much going on... Just got a few worries on my mind & I'm not at a point to discuss them at the moment. One day I will, but chances are it won't be any time soon. Not until this is all said & done.

*~*

Ciao.

So, it's been like... I don't how long sice I've posted but... Whatever. I don't have internet where I moved, not even dial up. It's kinda nice/kinda sucks. So, anyway, here's what's going on:
 
~I found out that my store is closing. I'm adjusting to this decently well. I have no idea what to do after we close. I'm thinking about it. lol I just get tired of answering that question day in/day out. It's one thing when family & friends ask, but when you get it from the customers!! OMG, it's so annoying...

~Daniel moved in with me. =D =D

~I still haven't told my dad who I'm dating... There's a looong story there & I'll never tell it. Only a few people know & I intend on keeping it that way.

~I'm on vacation this week.

~I went to Warped Tour yesterday. It was awesome!!! Seriously.  Anti-Flag was by far my favorite performance.  I accidentally got knocked into the circle pit.  0.o  It  was fun!!  I got really sunburned...  My face hurts...

~Now Daniel & I are off to the beach for a couple days to make the most outta this vacation

XOXO

Ciao!

Well its official. I am exhausted. Work is running me ragged & I'm going to be renting a house that needed a ton of repairs (which was actually ok, 'cause what I spent for repairs went to rent)... And now most of the repairs are done, thank goodness, but still, I need to finish the little things like painting but all the big stuff, you know the rotted out floorboards, is replaced for the most part. Still leveling the bathroom floor, but it won't take much now. Aftr that, the linoleum goes down in the bathroom & I get to put in the new cabinet for the bathroom sink. The old one fell apart when we tried to move it, so I'm just going to build a new one for it. When I get the house entirely finished, I'll put up pics on here for those of you who would care to see it. lol It's not the place I was talking about last time. That girl pretty much just let me down & as a result, I just went out & found a new place. This place is going to be nice when I'm done with it. It's 2.5 bedrooms (more one that in a minute), one bath. It's still pretty small, but for just me, I can manage. Rent's a little more expensive, but it is my very own house, not just a duplex.

*~*

And I say 2.5 bedrooms because the back bedroom is really... About the size of a walk in closet. lol That's going to be my office anyways so it's not like it really matters. The only thing I wish is that the doorway was bigger 'cause I have absolutely NO idea how in the world I'm going to fit my desk in there but oh well. I'll make it work somehow. Even if it means I tear down the door frame in the process.

*~*

I'm going to have to take the ceiling fan down in the office. Anyone who is taller than me by about three inches will be getting a haircut. lol I think when I take that fan down that I will put it up in the kitchen and just put a standard light fixture back there. Probably a fluorescent, but I dunno just yet.

*~*

I got a new phone. It's an LG Xenon, majorly cool. Touch screen with a slideout qwerty keyboard. Had to get my number changed, went to a contract instead of prepaid, but it's ok because I was paying out the butt for prepaid by the time I got my feature packages and what not. Not too mention I have unlimited data now. So I'm all kinds of excited about that too. lol

*~*

I've also become addicted to nip/tuck... I'm like over halfway through the first season. I keep saying I'm going to finish season 2 of House but every time I sit down to watch something... It's always nip/tuck... This could be an issue, especially if I can't find them used. Money's tight right now & I can't afford $50 a season. Maybe I can find it on eBay or something. I'll figure it out.

*~*

Life's been treating me well here as of late, just been so busy I can't sit still. With all the stuff going on, if I sit still I'll get blown away.

*~*

How's life been treating my LJ friends?

*~*

Ciao!

I've decided that I don't do very well with this waiting thing. It's been two weeks since I last talked to Misty about moving into her old place. I mean, I know she's moving & snags come up or whatever... I'm just antsy, lol.

*~*

I'm still trying to figure out how to tell my grandmother that I'm moving. I know there's nothing she can do to me really, but seriously. I would rather go skydiving without a parachute. Gah. What the hell is wrong with me? I guess it's just the Pisces thing, avoiding confrontation. And maybe it's just, I know it'll kinda hurt her feelings & I HATE hurting people. *sigh* But sometimes, there's just no way around it. I have to do this. But... I'm procrastinating.

*~*

Adam had a small wreck. He hit a deer. He's fine. The only damage done was that it tore up one of his headlights, so he only musta just clipped it. I haven't really talked to him much here lately. I'm letting him drift. I can't be there to bandage all his little hurts any more. I think he's doing well though, figuring out how to be on his own again. He's not calling me & begging me for time. I just hope he's not doing anything foolish. He did have one spot where he gave himself alcohol poisoning, had to go to the hospital, & have his stomach pumped. That did not go over well with me. lol I chewed him out for it. I'm allowed to care about the guy & that gives me the right to yell at him when he does something STUPID like that.

*~*

And Daniel & I have officially been a couple since March 14th. Which makes me a happy happy girl. It's been a whirlwind, but it's fun. My head is spinning & it's just wonderful. I feel like I can fly. It's simply amazing. This is what I'm looking for. It's a kind of happiness I can't find anywhere else. It's so funny when we're together. He really focuses on me, puts me in the spotlight & I'm not quite sure how to act there. But I'm happy there, happy to be the focus of someone's attention. Even if it is slightly unnerving that he does pay enough attention to my wardrobe to notice when I wear a new shirt. I guess I got used to being ignored by Adam & this is so DIFFERENT. I don't care. This is what I want, what I've wanted all along.

*~*

Time to get my clothes outta the dryer. Later!! :)

Well, I've been single for over a week now. It's a very liberating feeling, knowing that I don't have to answer to anyone other than me. It's great. I hit a couple rough spots but I've done pretty well. Adam & I are actually doing better as friends than we were as bf/gf. Very strange but whatev. I'm content right now.

*~*

I'm supposed to call Daniel later and see what we're going to do today. I dunno. It's kinda yucky out, so I can't really do too much outdoors. Which makes me kinda sad, 'cause Daniel & I normally do something outdoors. Go walk the bird sanctuary, or walk through downtown Gadsden or some such thing. I dunno what we're gonna do. Maybe I can talk him into shopping or something. I'm tired of our mall but I dunno if I can talk him into Trussville. Maybe if I drive?? Hmmm, there's something to think about.

*~*

OH!!! I totally found a place. It's like $350 a month, utilities & all. So yeah, very much affordable. I'll be moving in a couple weeks & I'm oh so EXCITED. I really can't wait!! I think I've got most everything I need, but I dunno. I guess I'll see whenever I actually get moved. lol I know I need a microwave but Daniel said I can use his til I can afford one. :) He's such a sweetie. Anyway, I know I need pans too, but I'll pick those up in singles as I need them. I mean, I don't really bake that much soooo.... Yeah. lol Think I've got everything else though. :) I'm anxious for it. I'm ready to GO NOW.

*~*

Guess I'll sign off here...

*~*

Ciao!!

Well, I'm officially 20 now. *shrug* I don't really feel any different. lol But eh, I guess I shouldn't be in too big of a hurry to grow up.

*~*

I really did have a good birthday though. Alicia, Mary, Adam & I all went to Chili's for my birthday dinner last night. I had a good time, despite the fact of how tense things were between Adam & me. Alicia brought my cake & oh mygod, it was good. A sugar rush but still really really good. She was all sad that she wasn't able to get me more for my birthday, but I'm absolutely happy with what she got me so... Quit worrying, girl!!;) I love my shoe & my bath set. Adam got me seasons 3 & 4 of House M.D. & one of the sappiest cards I've ever gotten. I'm ok with it but... With the way things have been going here lately... It wasn't exactly fitting, you know what I mean? Poor Mary is too broke to buy me anything, but I don't really care. It's the thought that counts & she came, so yeah... Daniel got me a book on photography, which hit me in an unexpected way. I really wasn't expecting him to get me anything & it just floored me that he did. That really really meant a LOT to me. The book, I think, actually means more than the sappy card from Adam. 0.o Dad was too broke to buy anything, but whatever. He's been really depressed here lately & very much annoying as well. Grandma got me some weird little trinkets & some really pretty earrings. The trinkets were pretty much a miss but I do love the earrings! The present that absolutely just crowned them all is actually what my Mom got me... Mom took me a Nickelback concert on the 25th!!! OH MY GOD!!!!!!! It was absolutely fantastic!! I hyperventilated most of the way through their set, lol. Oh, man. I can't even begin to explan how wonderful it was. Saving Abel was the opening act, followed by Seether, & then Nickelback. They're playing another show in Atlanta on April 23 or 24 (I don't remember which...) & I am seriously considering going to it too. XDD Can anyone say major fan?? lol I'm a loser, I know it, I accept it, & I love it.

*~*

And then this weekend... I have some big plans... And I'm excited. I won't mention them on here cause I might get in trouble with Alicia if I do... But yeah!!! I'm majorly excited about that too. I totally can't wait!

*~*

On the relationship front... I'm pretty sure that I'm leaving Adam. The only thing is... I'm trying to make him leave me. He won't back away when I ask him to & I highly doubt that a break up would be any different. I want him to be the one to end it, so that he has the finality of the break up. He just won't accept that he's losing me, he's trying so hard to keep me... But I've hit a very slippery slope & I'm on my way down. I can't feel the same way about him as I used to... Because of... Daniel... Daniel has shown me what it's like to have someone around again. And Daniel does such a good job of keeping me steady, where Adam just gets under my skin & grates at me. Daniel has always done a really good job at being my comfort, being my counterweight so I don't just completely flip the hell out & kill someone. I can relax around him. I feel like myself again. I don't have to keep up a facade of normalcy. I don't have to pretend like I'm in a relationship with him. I feel the way about him that I should if we were actually in a relationship. But with this thing with Adam... Ugh. It's SO damn FRUSTRATING!! Can anyone say monkey wrench? lol

*~*

Anyway, I guess I'll sign off here...

*~*

Ciao!

Well, I normally don't type like that but for this title... Ok. It gets my point across, & besides, it's not like I'm doing it through the whole entry. So here we go... Hope you put on your seatbelt & locked down the lapbar, 'cause it gets kinda crazy at times.

*~*

Over the past six months, Adam & I have been fighting. It's been so throughly inconsistent that you could bet on the inconsistency. Of course, when Adam & I fight, it always makes me think, "Why am I doing this? Why am I putting myself through this pain, this torture?" But when we're good, we're very good.

*~*

Here's the glitch... In my past, there is an ex named Daniel. I dunno if I've mentioned him on here & if I have, it was probally a very long time ago since I don't remember mentioning him. Anyway, Daniel & I had an ideal relationship. I was always at peace with him, always happy, & we didn't really fight. I would get upset & he would apologize. Anyway, one day when I was bored and messing around on facebook, I queried his name to see if he had one. He did & I sent a friend request. Months went by & I pretty much decided he wasn't going to friend me back. I was ok with that, a little hurt because we had a history of friendship before & after our relationship. We drifted apart when he went to Auburn. So, back on track... One day I look at my facebook & to my surprise, he friended me & sent me a message. Which I responded to, because you know that's the polite thing to do & because I wanted to catch up. Well, we messaged back & forth, back & forth. A normal conversation for those who have a lot to catch up on. Anyway, I mention that I have to take Mary to a doctor's appointment over in East Gadsden. Turns out he was going to be nearby that particular day & asks if he can meet me there. I said ok.

*~*

Here's where it starts getting tricky...

*~*

I've seen a LOT of Daniel here recently & spend a LOT of time on AIM talking to him. He always makes me feel so good, so wanted, so loved. And as Adam has been treating me like shit here lately... Can you guess what happens?

*~*

I'm now torn between the two guys. I'm not willing to throw away 1 year & 9 months, for something that may or may not work. But I'm not content where I'm at either. Adam will not settle for just friends, or for letting this be an open relationship. In his words, I'm the only one he wants. And Daniel says pretty much the same thing.

*~*

I'm so stuck, it's not even funny. I can't seem to come to an answer. Everyone is telling me just follow your heart. Well... That's hard when your heart is leading you two different directions. When I'm with Adam, I want Adam. When I'm with Daniel, I want Daniel. When I'm alone, my brain torments itself with memories from both relationships, weighing the good & the bad.

*~*

So... There's my story. That's why I haven't been around much. I've been trying to figure this stuff out. And I'm not having much success. lol

*~*

In other news, I am the captain of the March of Dimes fundraiser at my work. So far, I've come up with some pretty good ideas. I'm going to post my list & if you can think of anything to add to it, please, leave me a comment. My goal is to raise $10,000 dollars.

~Steak dinner (associates only)
~Car washes
~Bake sales
~Raffling off a football signed by Nick Saban
~Raffling off a jersey signed by Carnell "Cadillac" Williams
~Raffling off an Easter basket
~The associate who raises the most money for the MOD in one week will be able to wear jeans for the following week

I can't come up with anything else.

Also, my first bake sale is set for this Saturday. So if anyone has any good, simple recipes, feel free to post those in comments as well.

*~*

That's basically all of my news at the moment, so... I'll be around a little more, I promise. I just haven't been able to focus on much other than my own problems here lately & I apologize for that.

*~*

Ciao!!

Sooooooooooooo... It's been crazy. Do I want to talk about it? Yes & no. I want to say something but. I just can't. I can't say anything. It's like my mouth is sewn shut. I'll just keep smiling 'cause you know, when you hold your face in one position too long it will stick that way? And, apparently, that's what I've done...

*~*

I don't know what's gotten into me the past couple of days. I'm short-fused & sharp-tongued. I want NO one. Adam's around, trying to fix this relationship & I'm half tempted to tell him it's wasted effort. I really don't know if it is or not. I don't know if I can go back to telling him every little detail.

*~*

I don't want to talk about it. I just said something to alleviate the pressure that's building.

*~*

Sometime soon, I'll pull a 180. Not today. Sometime soon, I'll talk about it. Just not today.

Well, it's been... Interesting this past week. My house flooded (not too terribly bad but flooded). Our side porch & my room got wet. There really wasn't that much water, just about two inches or so, but enough to make a mess. I've temporarily moved to the guest room since my room is soggy & it's supposed to be REALLY cold this week. This room is much easier to heat than my big room, so here I am. *shrug* I just don't like how thin the walls are in here.

*~*

Other than that, I went to Cathedral Caverns with Adam & Kasey yesterday. That was pretty cool. I really enjoyed it, took lots of pictures, & managed to get a cute one of me & Adam & another cute one of me & Kasey. So, hey, I'm happy about that. It's not very often I get such... down time with my guys. It was so relaxing & I don't know why nor do I care. It was what it was & I enjoyed it.

*~*

Adam is thinking about buying a Focus. I hope he does, hope he gets rid of the van. There's nothing really WRONG with the van, but I think he needs a new car. And a Focus seems to fit. I'm trying to talk him out of buying an 09 & to buy an 08 instead. They still have brand new 08s on the lots, never been driven. But if he does decide to spring for an 09, I'll back him all the way. Sweet thing, he needs something to really call his own. And if he wants an 09, then he gets an 09. But it's a couple thousand bucks he's talking about, so... I think he is going to get an 08. Just not sure yet.

*~*

I went & hung out with Mary a couple of days ago, discovered I really SUCK at Guitar Hero, but whatever. I think when we get some in at work for the Wii, I will buy one. I'm currently trying to decide between World Tour & Legends of Rock. I'm thinking Legend sof Rock, 'cause I know we have just the disc for World Tour.

*~*

Mary's pretty cool though. I met her through work, & even though I normally try to AVOID havings friends at work, she's seeping through on me. Oh well. Can't win 'em all. The weird thing is is that me & her actually have quite a bit in common. Music & all that kind of cool stuff. The only thing that is slightly awkward is the fact that she is dating one of my exes... Yeah. But considering I've seen him once since she started back at work, not all that awkward. So... Apparently, she & I have the same taste in guys. XD One more thing in common...

*~*

But anyway, I'm gonna go. Tummy's growling.

*~*

Ciao!!

I bought myself House M.D. season one as part of my own Christmas to myself. Lol. I guess that's a little selfish but... I had a $50 gift card & well, I wanted it. Not too mention it will keep me happy over the next week or so, as Adam's been sent off to the Honda plant. So I need something to keep me occupied. Who knows? Maybe I'll actually be able to hit the gym, though... In other parts of my life, I have been physically active, so it's not like I'm sitting on my ass. XD Work can be sooo exhausting, especially when you run half the store by yourself.

*~*

Poor Adam. I feel so bad for him, since he got transferred to Honda. He hates the people he is working with. He's not happy, plus he works long hours. On the flip side, he only works three days since he works twelve hours a day. And it pays well. But, he still hates it. He wants to go back to the Creek. And, if he wants to go back to the Creek, I want him to go back to the Creek. I want him to be happy. Even if it means I'll hardly ever see him. But he'll be happy & we'll still be able to talk. I can deal with a happy Adam 2 hours away. I can't deal with an unhappy Adam who is off three days a week. Though he wasn't off much this week... Yesterday was his only off day, until probally next Thursday. He says it makes for a good check, a good bit of money he can set aside for us... Which is true. I want nothing more than him coming home to me every night, being able to make a home for us. It's simple, really.

*~*

I hope everyone is havin a happy New Year!!

*~*

Ciao!

Ok,so I have that line from Fall for You stuck in my head. lol It's not bothering me that badly yet, & when it does, I'll just play the song, since I do have it. Heh...

*~*

So, anyway, I had a decent Christmas. The wonder of my camera was slightly offset by Adam being an ass, but I'm coping. Of course, it was partly me too, since this was the first Christmas without my Grandaddy & having to be around the rest of the family but not seeing him hurt a lot. And Adam never once stopped to ask me how I was doing... I know I wasn't myself & it somewhat bothers me that he didn't even bother to ask how I was. But, he's apologized for it & I'm on the road to forgiving him. He's not completely out of the woods yet, but he will be eventually. I won't let him go back to Widow's Creek without forgiving him. It's just not the way I am. For all I know... He could have a wreck & be killed on the way there & he would die thinking that I hadn't forgiven him. And... that would torment me for a very very long time...

*~*

I don't know what got into my Grandmother this year... Normally, her presents are better than what she got me this year. She was waaaaaay off base. But, ok, I'll deal with that too... I just don't particularly see myself as the kind of girl with lil ceramic candle holders shaped like wheelbarrows... lol But she tried & I really do like the bracelet that she gave me, plus, I can always use a set of sheets.

*~*

And of course, Alicia was right on target with all of it, so... WAY TO GO, GIRL!!! lol She did such good job with my Christmas, even if she did go a lil overboard... XD I feel kinda cheap, but I think that she liked her Christmas presents, so no harm, no foul, right?

*~*

Extended family did a good job too... I got some candles (I'm always burning candles. lol), some bath stuff ('cause what girl likes to smell bad???), $25 gift card to Starbucks, & a pretty blue sweater. So, maybe not the most expensive Christmas but I know that everyone put some time & effort in to it, since I didn't get just gift cards & money. lol

*~*

So, now... I'm just waiting on Adam to get back in town. I don't think we're going anywhere tonight, but I don't care. Maybe we can just curl up in bed with some hot chocolate & watch House M.D. That would please me to no end...

*~*

Ciao!!!

I was looking at the pictures of myself, ones from first grade all the way to my senior pictures in high school. It made me think, when I came to that last picture, the one of me in my senior year. I saw the black band around my wrist, the one that symbolized my wait. The wait for the man that I thought I loved. I wore it for over six months, so long that when I did take it off, I had a tan line around it. It was odd, the way that black around my wrist struck me. It brought back all the memories, the good & the bad. The ones where I was so in love, to the ones where I realized we were drifting apart. There was a tiny pang from those memories & I wonder where he is today. So many questions, that aren't my business any longer... It hurts a little, and I do miss him. I know I'm not in love with him any more; I know that I love Adam. But still... Here's my question... Do you ever really get over someone that you loved THAT much? What is getting over someone, anyway? How do you define it? Is it when you just don't think about them any more? Is it being able to think about them & it not hurting any more? What is it, exactly? Maybe it depends on the person. Maybe it depends on how much you loved them.

*~*

In other news... Well, there's not much other news. I've just been working, coming home so tired, I can barely stand. Much less do anything else. So I've been killing the coffee, staying awake in the afernoon, so I can sleep at night. lol

*~*

I took Megan home from work yesterday, & stayed at her place for a bit. That was pretty cool. She & her husband Tim are both awesome. They have a cute little house too. Meg is just the sweetest thing. I think they were trying to get me drunk yesterday! Honestly! It was funny. I didn't drink much, 2 shots of relatively weak stuff. But they kept offering me different drinks... I was so tempted, but knowing that you have to drive & come home & face your dad is enough to make you not get wasted. But I may stay over there one night soon, just to get drunk. Heh... Is that bad?

*~*

Ive somehow managed to get roped into one of Adam's family affairs tomorrow. We have to go & get a gift for dirty Santa... Grandmother said it can't be more than $15, which is great because I don't even HAVE $15, because of Christmas. Oh well. I get paid Monday. Then I will sorta be unbroke...

*~*

Ciao!

So, I haven't posted in two weeks or thereabouts. Eh. Sorry bout that. Last week was just NONstop, all week long. I am so tired right now. And I haven't even made it through half of the week yet. *sigh*

*~*

Last week, I had to attend my stepgrandfather's funeral. It was hard on me, but I'm not really sure why. It's not like we were close. It's possible it may have had something to do with PMS & all that jazz. Not too mention I also found out that Adam got transferred to Widow's Creek, which is two hours away. It was a very rough, very long week. Things picked up on Thursday, when I drove to Atlanta for my Uncle Kevin's graduation. I drove home Friday, and then went shopping with Alicia. I worked Saturday, babysat Saturday night, & yesterday evening Adam & I went up to Noccalula Falls to look at the lights. It was very pretty & when I DO get ahold of my D60, I'll post the pictures to here via Photobucket, my Facebook, & probally my myspace as well. We got a really cute shot of me with my "homies". LOL I was acting silly, crouching down between some of those plastic light up snowmen, & Adam snapped the picture. But whatever. It's a cute picture, even if I DO look like a complete dum~dum.

*~*

I got my Playstation 3 off of layaway last Monday. I only just got it set up yesterday. Of course, now I'm gameless but I'll hold off til after Christmas. I'm not in that big of a hurry; I do have my Wii after all. I think I'm going to get a Wii game for my dad & I for Christmas. I dunno yet... Haven't decided but, it's most definetely a possibility.

*~*

I don't know when I'll finish Christmas shopping. I've got one more thing to pick up for Adam & a couple for Alicia. Most of the extended family is done. Just got to get some digital picture frames for the aunts & uncles. It's the people I'm closest to that I'm waiting on my next check for. I think I'll get Dad this little hot dog roller thingy for work that he has wanted for like two years. Grandma's is done, except for the pictures to go in her frame. Dad is planning on getting her another sweatsuit. And I have to get my cousin Will a shirt. He's always dressy, so that won't be hard. So much to do & so little money & time to get it done!!

*~*

I think I may go make a pot of coffee... Help to keep me awake til it's actually time to go to bed. I never sleep if I take a nap midafternoon...

*~*

Ciao...

Well, it's been a long while since I've been here. Ummm... It's been kinda crazy here as of late, with work & just life in general. Not too mention my house phone has been acting weird. It just will NOT give us a dial tone at times, which makes it hard to post. We've had the phone company check it out, but... They don't know what's wrong with it! It's very frustrating & drives me insane. So anyway...

*~*

I watch the news a lot & I keep seeing all this shit about bailing out everyone. Personally, AIG should have gone belly up, the banks should have gone belly up because when the govenrment takes over the banks, we take on a socialist value. Out of every bailout that has been discussed, the only one I want bailed out are the car companies. Why? Because they are the only ones left in this country who make a product. They are the only ones who create JOBS. But, no, let's bail out AIG, so they can take their executives to $300,000 resorts in Arizona. Bullshit. It's all a bunch of bullshit.

*~*

Do you really know part of this country's problem? You have to have a college degree to flip burgers at McDonald's. What the fuck? The sad thing? The product is disgusting!! Soooo... Let me get this straight... You need a college degree to make a shitty product. Hmm. Interesting.

*~*

And did you know that, after you graduate from college, you will be in debt for 30 years paying off your loans? Of course, this only applies to the people who do take out loans... But still, my point remains. You will be in debt until you retire. Lovely. Exactly the way I want to spend my life.

*~*

What this country needs is more manufacturing. Oooh, hard physical labor that you don't need a college degree for. Then, you can actually take your money (which is actually YOURS, since you don't have X amount of dollars to pay off that damn degree you thought was "oh so important") and buy something with it, instead of charging it! Which, by the way, is just another LOAN. Which means... MORE DEBT!! Fan-FUCKING-tastic.

*~*

So... America... We all have to have degrees, so we can sit in nice plushy offices, & not have to lift finger except to type. Great. We're a bunch of lazy asses. Sorry, but it's true.

*~*

I work my ass off, without a degree & I enjoy it more than sitting at a desk all day. So does Adam. Why is everyone seemingly so allergic to work?

*~*

Comments? Thoughts? Agree? Disagree? Let me know. We all have opinions. Tell me what YOU think.

*~*

Ciao!

Ok so this is going to be a very fast post. My house phone has decided to die for no apparent reason... Anyway, theres not been much going on here lately. Been working like crazy and thats about it... I dragged Cody with me to buy my grandmas birthday present. He was happy to see me. Truthfully, I was happy to see him. And I am happy because he is just a friend now. I'm not holding on like I did a few months ago. I know now that Adam really is the one for me and I won't have to walk next Tuesday. Ciao!

I'm...  upset right now.  I...  am terribly worried.  Adam can't seem to get his priorities straight.  On anything.  He is going on vacation this weekend, while unemployed...   Screwing off, basically, even though they could call with a job at any time tomorrow.  He is then going to have to drive all the way from Bessemer, back to Gadsden, then back to Bessemer to finish his vacation.  Not too mention he is screwing off maintenance on his vehicle that could possibly ruin a brand new set of tires.  So he's being a dipshit about this.  And it makes me wonder...  If he can't get his priorities straight on this...  Then...  I will never be a priority in his social life.  I will never feel cared about by him. 

If that's the way its going to be....



Fuck it.

So, here's what's going on...

1)  Work's been a little crazy.
2)  Adam & I have been a little crazy...  Argued some more.
3)  We've made it through the arguments!
4) We're talking about getting a place together...
5)  This prospect excites me, but terrifies me.  I am so afraid of failure.


And there is where I will leave the list & continue in normal journal style because I simply can't fit my feelings into the list.


So, pertaining to number 2, we have been arguing.  Really, these arguments are more my fault than his.  I simply cannot just point out what he's doing wrong; I have to make an issue of it.  I am trying desperately to fix this problem but I am not having much luck.  But, right now, I'm full of hope, even though I totally overreacted to something stupid yesterday.  It's a blessing that he is so patient with me. 


On Saturday, he & I sat down, and really discussed moving in together.  We even made out a budget, & he laughed at me for underestimating the income & overestimating the cost of everything else.  Well, he laughed until his mom asked him for a loan of $400 later that evening, because she spent too much.  Then he saw why I had done it.  We left plenty of wiggle room, things that weren't necessary that we could cut out if times get tough.  Even with the way I wrote the budget down, we would still have money left at the end of the month.  We can't decide whether we want an apartment or a house but we agreed that we don't want to put down ties to a place we don't plan on staying, so buying a house is out.  At the moment, anyway.  I kind of think it's a good idea to buy a house.  If anything, we could rent it out...  And when we don't need it any more, just sell it...  I dunno.  I think that should come later on.  We have agreed on a 2 bedroom place.  Around here, it's just as affordable as a one bedroom, so why not?  Between us,we will accumulate stuff that needs to be stored somewhere. 

I'm just afraid of failing, of us not having enough money.  But more than that, I'm afraid the relationship will fail.  I don't think it will, but what happens if we're not as compatible as we think?  Even though I think it will be good for us...  His family adds a lot of stress to his life.  It will do him good to get out.  I think that his family may be part of our problem.  He... sometimes gets irritated at them, and takes it out on me, which of course, I don't respond to very well.  If you eliminate that stress, it's much better.  I can tell you from the times we have rented a room together and he is just with me, without having to be around them... It's better.  When he as to stay home when they go on vacation, it's better.  *shrug* 

I really really hope we don't fail & I really really hope we will be able to find a place soon...

So I was contemplating the other day on love.  I was trying to decide on how you know that you truly love someone.  So here are my thoughts...

~You are willing to give up everything about life as you know it, just for them
~You cannot stand to be separated for an extended period of time (i.e. A week)
~Love really isn't that complicated.  Either you love them or you don't.  You find out through the things that life flings at you sometimes.  The good times, the hard times.  If you love them, the good times are great, the bad times are horrible but yet you make it through.
~You hate it when they get hurt...  In any way.
~You just want to make them happy when you're with them & to hell with yourself.  Your happiness is tied to theirs.

These standards (except maybe the first) don't really apply strictly to romantic love.  It's just love, in general.  Yes, I know, they were no-brainers, but oh well...

The hardest thing is figuring out if you are in love with someone.  Which is completely different from loving someone in general.  So here are my thoughts on knowing if you are in love with someone...

~It does not bother you if they go out with others sometimes.  There is always another time, another day, & probably a better time to be had.
~You still wait to hear their voice, even when you know they are out.
~You're willing to wait!
~Even when you are with someone else, they are always in the back of your mind...
~This is the person whose happiness is most linked with yours.  If they aren't happy, neither are you...
~In fact, you find a lot of your emotions being tied to theirs.
~You see them as your other half...  And if they got taken away, you wouldn't know exactly what to do.  You'd be kinda lost.

Once again, these are some no-brainers but I just felt like posting them...  This stuff seems so simple, yet so many people have trouble with their relationships lasting...  You have to be able to see that person as your other half.  Because if you only consider yourself & your own happiness, then you will never make them happy.  Things that make you happy may upset them.  It is being able to know that you love this person & could not live without them that it the thing that will make you give selfish things up.  But yet, you still find satisfaction because they are happy...

Okay, I'll shut up now...  :)

Have a great day!!

Ciao!